Hello Dear Readers,
A few of you have noted my silence. Thank you for your concern.
Yes. It has been a difficult couple of weeks. Initially, the side-effects of chemo #3 didn't seem as severe — no constipation, no diarrhea, less light-headedness. But for a few days, I had a very strong metallic taste in my mouth, all the time. Even water tasted metallic. Sweet things were (and continue to be) especially awful. But the biggest side effect this time was the fatigue. A deep kind of fatigue, like I've never experienced before, almost like the mitochondria in my cells had shut down. In other cycles, I had a few days of feeling "normal," but not this time.
Instead, on Friday (Day 11), I started having significant dental pain. I had had some dental pain after the first chemo, and went to see my regular dentist. He took x-rays and couldn't see any signs of infection. He thought the pain and slight swelling was a result of my bite being off. So he adjusted my bite, and the pain disappeared after a couple of days. It seemed suspicious that I had dental pain in the second cycle too, but it also cleared up after a couple of days. The pain this time was quite a bit more intense, requiring regular doses of Tylenol.
On Saturday morning, after night-time hours of throbbing in my left lower gum, I awoke to a swollen left jaw. I estimated that the main swollen part was about the size of a mandarin orange, but it also extended into my neck. I think I'll spare you the awful photographic evidence and let you use your imagination. Claire confirmed that I looked like "half" a chipmunk. My temperature was also elevated. All symptoms pointed pretty clearly to infection.
Fortunately, the dentist had prescribed antibiotics on my visit last month, and I had the prescription filled. My friend who is a physician confirmed my suspicion that I should start the antibiotics. (The Cancer Care telephone support nurse was not able to advise whether I should start them, and suggested I wait to hear from my dentist, who did not return my call until Sunday.)
Thank heavens I started the amoxicillin when I did. It started having an effect in the nick of time, and I narrowly avoided a trip to the ER because of fever on Saturday night. Now that Kingston is the COVID capital of Ontario, that prospect was most unappealing.
The swelling and pain were greatly diminished on Sunday. But I was very lethargic. I lost count of the naps I had. My big accomplishment was getting lights on the tree, which cheered me very much!
This morning, the oncologist, Dr. Hammad, decided to hold chemo for a week to let the infection clear. She seemed disappointed. My bloodwork is all normal and from her perspective, I am tolerating chemo well.
Yesterday, I was upset at the possibility that I might have an extra week added to the total length of this gruelling regime. Today, I feel a sense of relief that I get a break from chemo. That's where things stand my friends. A tooth abscess is preferable to chemo. But I am sad, disappointed, upset that I will likely lose yet another tooth. I see the dentist tomorrow at 4.
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"The greatest gift is a friend"
One of the ornaments that always goes on the Christmas tree is from my friend Joslyn, who was my housemate when we were dietetic interns in Vancouver, back in 1987-88. The ornament is dated 1988, and that is probably when she gave it to me, after I moved to Port-aux-Basques, NL for my first job, and she moved home to Saskatoon. We've only seen each other a few times since, but she is still a dear friend.
I can't imagine enduring chemotherapy without the support of so many wonderful and dear friends. I have also been astonished at the kind care and concern of people I don't know that well. A few people have commented about my "positivity" - but how could I not be positive when I am supported by such love and kindness?
My beloved yoga teacher, Barbara, from Pathway Yoga in Ottawa, even came to my home last week to help me with the series of yoga poses she gave me for chemotherapy. These have been such a gift, especially at 4 or 5 AM when I can't sleep. The poses are super supportive, so even if I'm not sleeping, they are very restful. Barbara made some (mostly) small adjustments to the props and how I position myself. These adjustments make a huge difference in how the pose feels. This is one of the things I love about Iyengar yoga: small differences have big effects. Here are a couple of photos she took of me. We both wore N95 masks, just to be safe. (Note Daisy under the tree. With her bean bag prop, she needs no instruction in relaxation.)
The poses help open up the chest and abdomen, to help the lymph flow. I'm so grateful to Barbara, and her teacher Lois, for introducing me to Iyengar yoga for Cancer - and to B.K.S. Iyengar, for his profound yoga teachings. One day, I hope to be able to pass on these teachings to others.
I have more to say about kindness—but I'm really tired now. I'll write more in the next day or two, after I see the dentist.
Thank you all, for your many kindnesses.
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